


while walking is still honest

by flibbertygigget



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Gen, Protective Morty, Protective Rick, Swearing, Trans Summer, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 16:31:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12845097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: Summer Smith carefully applies the lipstick to her lips, hand shaking slightly. She rubs her lips together and looks at the figure in the mirror critically. It doesn't look perfect, not by a long shot, but she thinks that this might be the best she's looked yet.





	while walking is still honest

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note: I'm not trans. If I've written anything inaccurate or offensive, please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> Title from the Against Me! song "Walking is Still Honest." That song, along with their song "FUCKMYLIFE666," were on repeat while I wrote this. They're a great band, so you should check them out :)

Summer Smith carefully applies the lipstick to her lips, hand shaking slightly. She rubs her lips together and looks at the figure in the mirror critically. It doesn't look perfect, not by a long shot, but she thinks that this might be the best she's looked yet. There's a knock on the bathroom door, and her hand tightens around the lipstick.

"Summer, I need to pee!" Morty whines.

"Well, you can wait your God damned turn." Morty groans.

"But I reeeally need to go."

"Tough shit. I'll be out in a minute." A door slams downstairs, and Summer and Morty both freeze.

"Victor! Get down here, you're going to be late for school!" Dad yells. Summer throws open the door of the bathroom, deepening the dent already present in the plaster. She throws the tube of lipstick at Morty, and it's so fucking satisfying to him fumble and stain his shirt with the pink.

"Have fun pissing, dork," she snarls. The way that Morty looks at her, more pitying than angry or afraid, just makes her want to lash out more. She pushes him out of the way and storms down the stairs.

* * *

Dad's the only one who's really against it, and he's such a wimp he won't confront her about it straight out. Sometimes Summer wishes he would, wishes that he'd give her an excuse to beat him up or leave the house for good. But, no, he just misgenders her constantly, pretending that the dresses and the lipstick don't mean that he's got one son instead of two. Mom's not nearly as bad, she just doesn't acknowledge it at all, avoiding bringing up Summer's name or gender so she can pretend that she's okay with it. Only Morty tries, in his own bumbling way, to be supportive. It's nicer than Summer's willing to admit.

She knows that she's lucky. That's the worst thing about it. She knows that, as far as trans teens go, she's lucky. And even if she had any right to complain, who'd she complain to, Morty? No. Way. Staying quiet, pretending to be okay with everyone's shit, and blowing up randomly is better than _that_.

* * *

"Look, Beth, it'll - uRp - it'll just be for a - for a little bit. And I'll be busy with science shit, you w-won't even know I'm here."

"Of course you can stay, Dad. You can stay for however long you want."

"Don't I get any say in this?"

"Who's paying the mortgage again, Jerry?" Summer stumbles into the kitchen and frowns at the old man with his arm around Mom.

"Who the hell are you?" she says, trying to ignore the urge to run away and hide under her bed. She's so aware of how she doesn't pass at all right now, her voice too deep and shoulders too broad for a girl. Damn, she wants her lipstick.

"Victor, language!" Dad says. Mom shifts uncomfortably, and the old man is looking between her and Dad like he's not sure what to think.

"Th-This is your Grandpa," Mom says, her voice just slightly too high-pitched for the situation. "Dad, this is..." Summer's dad opens his mouth.

"Summer," Summer says quickly, holding out her hand. The old man doesn't take it, leaving her hand hanging in the air stupidly. Instead, he takes out a flask and takes a long swig of it.

"Just call me Rick, none of this Grandpa shit," he says. "I've got - uRp - I've got some boxes that need to - to be dragged into the garage or some shit. You wanna help me, Summer?" Summer can't help but grin.

"Sure," she says.

* * *

"So, why're you staying here?" Summer asks Rick a few days later. It's amazing how quickly he's taken over the garage. She has no idea what any of the things on the shelves and workbenches are, and she has to resist the urge to start picking up and trying to figure out everything. She has a feeling that Rick wouldn't appreciate that at all.

"That's none of your f-fucking business, Summer," Rick says. "Now, hand me the Phillips screwdriver." She hands it to him, rolling her eyes.

"I mean, Mom never talks about you except to say that you're a dick who abandoned her when she was a kid, then you just show up out of the blue and start living here. What's up with that?" She picks up... something, she's not sure what. It looks vaguely like a remote control, if remote controls were about three feet long and had glowing purple lines running up and down their length. "Is it something illegal?"

"Y-Yep, I'm running from the police," Rick says sarcastically. "Jesus, Summer, what's with all the questions? C-Can't a man just build cool science shit in a garage without being fucking interrogated?"

"I mean, you could always kick me out," Summer says.

"What, and deprive myself of a perfectly good tool-hander? Fuck that." Summer giggles a little, but then the door opens.

"Hey, Dad," Mom says. Rick waves the screwdriver vaguely in her direction in greeting, and Mom turns to Summer. "We, uh, we need to discuss something with you. In the living room." Rick starts to stand up. "Uh, not you, Dad. Just..."

"Whatever, I'm coming, Mom," Summer says.

"Hey, Summer, can you send Morty down here? I need someone to hold this shit steady while I get the last couple screws down here." Summer gives him a thumbs up and follows her Mom to the living room, mentally bracing herself. She never likes the kind of discussions they have these days, but she doubts that they're going to stop anytime soon.

"Hey, Morty, Grandpa Rick wants you to help him with something," she yells up the stairs. The sound of feet landing on the ground and running down the hallway immediately follow, and Summer rolls her eyes. God, Morty's such a dork.

* * *

Summer doesn't quite know how she ever started dating Ethan. It's all muddled in her mind, filed somewhere in between the first day she got up the courage to sit with Tammy and Nancy at lunch and the time that Frank Palicky called her a faggot. All she knows is that, a couple awkward moments aside, he's sweet and kind and way better than she had any right to expect.

He's not perfect, of course. He trips over his phrasing and asks if she's gay or straight (and wasn't it weird coming out as straight), but overall he's... he's nice. He's trying, and that's something that people don't always bother doing.

When she asks Rick what he thinks of Ethan, a little more nervous about his approval than she'd care to admit, he looks at her like she's nuts. "He seems like a nerd," he says, taking a pull from his flask.

"You're a scientist, wouldn't you be a nerd, too?" she says.

"What? I'm fucking awesome! Have you ever seen a nerd that qualifies as awesome?"

"Face it, Grandpa Rick, you're a nerd. And if you're awesome, that means that nerds are awesome, which means that my boyfriend is awesome, too." Summer grins, quite happy with her logic.

"Believe whatever you want, S-Summer. I still say he's a fucking nerd." But the way that Rick grins back at her tells her that he doesn't mean it.

* * *

She doesn't know quite how she feels about Gazorpazorp.

She'd been excited, at first, when Rick had... well, not let her come with him, exactly, although she's pretty sure that he'd have been able to stop her from going through the portal if he'd _really_ had a problem with it. And down on the surface of Gazorpazorp, she'd been too caught up in everything that was happening to really think about it. But now, up here, waiting in a cell for the Gazorpians to put them on trial, she _does_ have time to think about it, and she doesn't really like what she's thinking.

"Grandpa Rick?" she says.

"What do you want, Summer? I'm trying - uRp - I'm trying to figure out how to get us out of this."

"What do you think about, you know, the whole set up they have here?"

"Well, since it's about to get us put on trial, I'd say it's pretty bullshit. Although none of this would've happened if you'd just called me Rick like I told you to."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you like me calling you Grandpa?"

"Because families don't mean anything. They're stupid or abusive or just plain shitty all the time, a-and it's not like you have any real reason to call me Grandpa, so why do it? Family is bullshit, and there's no reason to have any connections to people just because they had sex and spawned you."

"Oh." Summer shifts. "What do you think about how they-they do the thing - the thing with the sex robots and the babies and things?"

"Bullshit."

"But, like, if all the male Gazorpians are brutish sex freaks and all the female Gazorpians are enlightened higher beings, maybe their way of doing things actually works. Or maybe it doesn't, and if they tried it a different way they'd be able to have a society that wasn't matriarchal. Or maybe I'm being stupid and applying human moral standards to an alien species that has biological and social and political complexities I can't grasp."

"Is there a point to all this? They're gonna put us on trial regardless."

"I dunno, it's just - do you think they've noticed?" Rick looks confused. "You know, about - about me?"

"I have no idea, Summer," Rick says. He shifts awkwardly and clears his throat. "Look, uh, if you're worried about how they'd react to that-"

"Forget it."

"Fuck them." Summer jumps a little at the pure poison in Rick's voice. "I-I don't know how they'd react if they knew, probably pretty shittily, but what do I know. But - But if they do realize that... that, and they give you shit, fuck them, fuck their opinions. You don't need any of that TERF bullshit in your life, and they don't matter."

"She said she thought my top was cute."

"Even assholes can be right every once in a while." Summer laughs a little. The door of their cell opens, and a Gazorpian enters the cell.

"Your trial is about to begin," she says. Rick stands, and Summer follows him, trying to ignore the nervousness in her stomach.

* * *

"Do you wish that you'd aborted me?" Summer demands, tossing the alternate-life viewer aside. When she'd decided to do this instead of watching stupid interdimensional TV with Rick and Morty, she'd just wanted some kind of... conformation or something. Well, she'd gotten that, sort of. Most of the other hers were named Summer and were female. Most of the other hers also didn't exist.

"You have to understand-" Mom says.

"Just answer the damn question."

"You have to understand, when a woman finds herself in that - that situation, of course she's going to consider it. That doesn't matter now, though." Mom looks towards Dad for support. "The point is, I'm a version of me that didn't abort you."

"Only because I talked you out of it when we got a flat on the way to the abortion clinic," Dad says.

"Not helping, Jerry."

"Do you regret it?" Summer says. "Do you wish that you'd fucking-"

"Of course I have regrets," Mom says, and Summer feels her heart drop into her stomach. "Hell, how could I not. Instead of being a doctor or - or living in a house full of exotic birds, I'm here. It would be impossible to not have - have second thoughts about not going through with it."

"Dad?" Dad doesn't answer her. "Dad, do you regret convincing Mom not to abort me?"

"Victor..."

"It's Summer, Dad. It's fucking Summer!" She stands up, shaking all over and feeling sick. "I'm leaving. Permanently."

"You can't leave, you're 17!" Mom says.

"Yeah, well, I'm not pregnant, so I've got one up on you guys already. I'll - I don't know, I'll find an apartment, find a job, do my own thing without having to know every fucking day that nobody in this fucking family actually gives a shit about me."

"Honey, please-"

"Victor!"

Summer can't listen to them anymore. She storms out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and slams the door of her bedroom behind her. She starts throwing clothes in her backpack randomly, tops and panties and skirts and-

The shorts in her hand are baggy, with pockets for a man's wallet and room for a man's crotch. They're a relic, more than anything else, just another reminder that she isn't - she isn't. She isn't like all those other Summers, she isn't woman enough, she isn't cisgender. Maybe if she was, Mom and Dad wouldn't have been so hesitant to say that they didn't regret their choice. She can feel the sobs working their way up her throat, and she clamps her hand over her mouth, trying desperately to keep them in. She will not cry, she will not act like she's any kind of indecisive.

"Summer?" It's Morty's voice, Morty's knock at the door. Summer shoves Victor's shorts under her bed and frantically tries to wipe away the redness she knows is in her eyes. "Uh, c-can I come in?"

"Fuck you." Morty, apparently taking that as a yes, opens the door. "W-What do you want?"

"A-Are you, um, are you doing o-okay?"

"What the fuck does it look like, Morty?"

"O-Okay, fine, that was a pretty stupid question." He sits down next to her, a nervous look on his face. "Are you r-really going to run away?"

"What else can I do, Morty? I was a fucking mistake. Like, not only on an conceptive level, but o-on an interdimensional level, too. Fuck!" She punches her bedframe, splitting open a knuckle, and Morty flinches, making a noise in his throat. "Why couldn't I have just been a - a girl, like all the other Summers? Then I-I wouldn't be - And then maybe Mom and Dad wouldn't regret keeping me."

"Hey, Summer, y-you are a girl. A-And if Mom and Dad regret having you, they're just - they're as blind as - as someone whose eyes don't work." Summer rolls her eyes.

"Wow, what an endorsement."

"L-Look, you're not a mistake." Morty scoots a little closer to her. "R-Rick told me once that there are literally an infinite number of dimensions, a-and they're all different. Like, some of them are more different than others, but they're all different. W-We just happen to be in one where you had to transition. I bet there are dimensions where I w-was born as Morticia or something, and I had to transition. I bet there are dimensions where Mom and Dad aren't gigantic dickbags. T-The point is, there are literally infinite ways that this could've turned out, and this is the one we got." He shifts, clearly uncomfortable. "Y-You wanna come watch TV? Me and Rick found this really cool show called _Ball_ _Fondlers_." Summer hesitates, but it's Morty. She knows that, even if the way he said it was a little awkward, he means every word of his little speech, and somehow that makes it a little better.

"Fine, but Grandpa Rick had better have saved some wafer cookies for me," she says.

When she sits down on the couch next to Rick, he turns to her. "Finally decided to join us?" he says, gulping down half his bottle of beer.

"Yeah," she says. "Other dimensions suck." His smile is fond in a way that seems almost unnatural on him.

"No shit," he says. "I dunno why you'd wanna see them anyways. Your life's super boring."

"What, and watching random bullshit on interdimensional cable isn't?" she says.

"What do you have against comedy, Summer? I-It's a big thing with the kids these days, this kind of random humor shit. I-I wouldn't thought that you'd be all over this shit."

"Oh, I'm soooo sorry. I'll never get between you and your memes ever again."

"Shut your face and watch the damn TV," Rick grumbles, but when Summer asks him for a wafer cookie he gives it to her, so she knows they're good.

* * *

"I don't get why you're being so fucking sulky. You were working for the literal devil, he was a dick, so I put him out of business. End of story."

"Fuck you," Summer says. She still won't look at him, more than capable of stewing in her anger for as long as she needed to.

"He was tricking people! He gave me a microscope that would've made me retarded if I looked in it! I - I was doing the world a - a public service..." He sighs. "Look, Summer, I don't know why you liked this dick so much, but-"

"I didn't like Mr. Needful, don't be stupid," Summer snaps. "I mean, he was fine, I guess, but I would've kept the job even if he wasn't. I need the money."

"What, so you can waste it on bullshit at the mall? A car? A... what the fuck do teenagers like these days, Nintendo 3DSXLLs?"

"I wanted to buy myself boobs!" The ship swerves before Rick regains control of it. He looks at her, hands white-knuckled on the wheel.

"Oh," he says.

"I looked it up. I found a doctor who does top surgery, and he said that it'll cost between eight and ten thousand dollars. I- You know that I can't ask Mom or Dad for shit like this, so I got a job." Summer stares him down defiantly, daring him to say something.

"Oh," he says again. He takes a slow swing from his flask. "That makes sense." He takes another swig. "Y-You know, Summer, I know a good surgeon on Tarnid. The Tarnidians have, like, 43 genders or something like that. They're always doing surgeries like that. Anyway, that surgeon, they owe me a favor or two, and the exchange rate for dollars to Flurbos is fucking great right now, so..."

"Are you being serious?" Summer says.

"Would I fuck with you about something like this?" No, he wouldn't, Summer realizes. He's awkward, and dismissive in his awkwardness, but he isn't - he wouldn't lie to her.

"How much would it be?" she asks.

"I don't know; I'll have to ask them. How much do you have saved up?"

"Just a little more than a thousand." Even as she says it, she knows that it won't be enough. "I can get a new job at McDonald's or something, I can save up. I don't need you to-"

"I've got it," Rick says. "Look, I'll talk with the surgeon, see if I can't get them to pull a few strings. Trust me, alien medicine isn't nearly as expensive as you'd think. It shouldn't be - You'll get your boobs, I promise."

"I don't need your help."

"I'm not helping you, Jesus. I'm just - you know what, do what you want. I'll ask them about the price and shit, and I'll fly you out to Tarnid if you want to do the surgery. Take it or leave it, I don't give a shit. Just don't make some stupid decision you'll regret just because you're too fucking stupid to accept a favor."

When Rick tells her a week later that the surgery will only be $500, converted into Flurbos of course, Summer suspects that he's lying. Hell, she knows he's lying, if only because there is no way that breast implants are that cheap anywhere. But she also knows that, if she doesn't accept his offer, she won't get top surgery for... well, for years. Not until she's off her parents' insurance and has a decent job of her own. So even though it rankles, even though it makes her feel angry and ashamed that she can't do it herself, she accepts.

She's surprised when, throughout the entire process, Rick never rubs it in. He never says anything about what he must have paid at all.

* * *

Summer knows that Dad is going to give her shit about her boobs eventually. Morty's reaction was positive, if bumbling, and her Mom had taken one look and proceeded to pour herself a glass of wine, which quite frankly could have been worse, but Dad had just... gone silent. He hadn't said anything, and if Summer knows anything it's that Dad having the tiniest bit of subtlety is definitely a bad thing.

Still, she had never expected something like this, not even from him.

"What the fuck are these?" Summer says when he plops a thick stack of pamphlets in front of her at breakfast.

"Language," Dad says. Summer picks up one pamphlet. "Desert Streams," it declares, "Healing The Sexually and Relationally Broken."

"What the fuck?" she says again, opening the pamphlet. She feels sick.

"Look, Victor, I understand that you're feeling a little confused right now. Lord knows that I had my fair share of phases when I was a teen. But no matter what Rick thinks, indulging you won't help you. I've done some research, and these places can help you-"

"Bullshit!" Morty says, almost shouts. Summer jumps, and even Morty looks surprised at his own outburst. "I mean, t-there isn't anything wrong with Summer, Dad. A-And even if there was, I-I've heard some really bad stuff about those kinds of places. They call it conversion therapy, b-but it isn't actually therapy. It's not, you know, legit. It's all bullshit."

"I can't believe I'm being disrespected this way in my own house," Dad says. "Morty, you can't honestly believe that this is normal. I'm trying to help your brother, and all you're doing is-"

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, Dad, but we're not normal!" Morty says. "Mom does heart surgery on horses. Rick opens up portals to other dimensions in the living room on a regular business. So, yeah, Summer's a chick, so what?"

"So what? Look," Dad turns to Summer, "I just want you to be happy, and there's no way that you can be that when you're insisting on - on doing this."

"But I am happy. I've never been happier than when I've been - been me."

"You're just kidding yourself. You can't possibly be happy like - like - like that, with your silly little dresses and stupid boobs!"

"Is that what this is about?" Summer says, her voice icy. "Look, Dad, Victor is dead. No, Victor never existed. You've always had a daughter, and me wearing dresses and makeup and getting tits is just an expression of what was always hiding right under your stupid nose. If you can't accept that, fine, but don't fucking insult me," she throws the pamphlet at him, "by telling me that I should have some asshole torture me into being a man."

"I'm trying to do what's best for you!" Dad says, but Summer's already out the door. For a moment she considers going up to her room, but she doesn't want to be alone. She can hear Morty and Dad yelling at each other, and she doesn't want to just... sit around listening to that. So she turns and opens the door to the garage.

"Hey, Grandpa Rick-" He slides out from under the spaceship with a grin.

"Summer, great, you're here! This bitch has been leaking portal juice ever since Morty and I got in a fight with those Florbians. Can you get that wrench over there? The adjustable one?"

"Got it." Summer grabs the wrench and hands it to Rick, and he slides back under the ship.

"This is gonna be hard as fuck to fix. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to make portal juice? Hell, half the ingredients can only be found on the black market, and this dimension hasn't even invented Diroxipoxiposin yet." He sighs and slides back out. "There, that should hold for now. I'm going to have to go to X-379 now, though, and I may or may not have a warrant out for my arrest there."

"You want me to go get Morty for you."

"Nah, I have a couple other things that can be done before that. Less of a bitch to do, too." He looks over a her, eyes narrowing. "So, why're you down here?" Summer sighs.

"Dad's being an asshole," she says. "I mean, more than the usual. Morty's busy yelling at him right now, and I just wanted to get out of there." Rick nods.

"Fucking typical Jerry," he mutters.

"Like, it's not like I didn't expect it, o-or I didn't think that he'd look into bullshit like Desert Streams at some point. I just always thought that he'd have the intelligence to realize what was up with those places once he read about them. Instead he throws a stack of pamphlets at me and asks me which conversion camp I want to go to." Rick bristles.

"What? Seriously? That's - That's bullshit! That's complete bullshit!" He makes for the door, but Summer catches his arm.

"Look, I yelled at him. Morty's yelling at him right now. We've got it covered." Rick relaxes slightly, but he's still glaring at the door like it's Dad.

"You want me to shoot him or something?"

"What? No! He's still - He's my Dad, I can't just have you shoot him."

"Yeah, well, he's an asshole. He fucking _deserves_ to be shot."

"You're not going to shoot him." Rick nods reluctantly. "So, what else were you going to work on before going to - uh, to that other dimension, that X thingy?" Rick studies her for a moment before seeming to decide something.

"Well, first I've gotta go to Trinidum 4 for some aluminosilicates. I can use those to bond the portal juice tank back together better than I could from here. Can't do that without Morty, though."

"I'll get him," Summer says. "Can I come along?"

"Sure," Rick says. Summer grins and opens the door of the garage.

"Morty! Come on, Grandpa Rick needs us to go to Trinidum 4 with him!"


End file.
